Well guys, I figured I was being a little rude not saying a proper goodbye and keeping you all on edge *coughnotcough*. Basically, I barely have the time to blink lest I miss a fraction of a second in my day that could be otherwise spent counting sheep or eating.
Seriously though, I've been way too busy to keep up with this blog. With all the stuff I've been bombarded with this year there's no way I'll be able to have the time or energy to write down my idiocy. I hope you guys won't miss me too much, and if you do you can always write me/call me/shout out my name until it echos in the mountainsides. I'm always listening. :)
In honor of my departure, I will leave you all with one sound piece of advice:
Never try to teach a pig how to sing. It will waste your time and annoy the pig.
BONZAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!
Farewell!
Workout
Teeny: *cooling down after invigorating cardio* Ummm...Laura, what are you doing?
Laura: Cooling down! *sweeps hands over head gracefully*
Teeny: You know, you only need to do that type of cool down when you get your heart-rate up.
Laura: Oh but Teeny, when I'm with you, my heart-rate is ALWAYS up!
...any cheezier and I would think it was a guy saying it.
Good times. Laura, you make workouts such an erotic pass-time. And thanks for the unagi!!
Really though, this is magnificent.
Je t'aime, Slash.
The "Truth"
Life is such a surprise. You never know what you’re going to get out of it, or what you might lose. Sometimes when we’re upset or frustrated, we vent and take it out on life, wondering why it’s such a “bitch” and is so “unfair”. I’ve been subject to that too, especially when I was sad, or confused, and didn’t even think about considering that it’s us who decide what happens with our lives. We’ve probably heard it a million times, but life is what you make it. You can do ANYTHING. If something doesn’t work out for you, it’s not because of “life”, or “situation”, or any other excuse you might come up with. It’s because you didn’t make it work. And everything happens for a reason, even if that reason isn’t known to us at that exact time. It’s just life’s way of telling us “Slow down, you don’t need this right now.” Love acts under the same code; when we need it the most it’s there, and sometimes it’s taken away for awhile, just to keep us strong. Not many people know what they want out of life, yet everyone wants to be loved; but I guess sometimes the things you may love weren’t meant to love you back.
It’s not the first time love back-fired on me, and it probably won’t be the last. We all learn that it’s better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all; we just need to work on bracing ourselves for when our heart falls, so we can pick up the pieces without too much shock and move on. I guess I also needed to work on saying those three words more often with the little time that I did have with you. Just know that I meant it with every gesture I showed – smiling at you, teasing you, sitting around just doing nothing. I felt like I was special when I was with you; but now I have to let things go, and not have so many expectations for it to come back. Hey, we’re all beginners at this life and love thing, and I’m sure we continue to learn with every experience that’s been thrown at us along the way. Let’s just take things one step at a time, and see where we lead ourselves from there. Just remember that I care about you, and THAT’S the truth.
Never doubt that you’re amazing - you made one loser feel like the luckiest person in the world, and that’s something special.
Love’s a gift – unwrap it.
You know my number if you ever need anything.
-Teeny
Happy Halloween!
Chyeah. Another round of candy this way, please! There's a party tomorrow night, so I'll put some pics up of that as soon as I can.
Until then, chew on this tasty little morsel. It gave me numerous giggles.
Je t'aime, mon cherie.
ITCHIN' FOR TRADITION
By Dave Barry
I love Halloween, because it reminds me of a simpler, more innocent time--a time when I dressed up as a goblin and ran around the neighborhood shouting, "Trick or treat!"
But that was last year. This year, I think I'll have a more subdued costume. Maybe I'll dress up as a large piece of lumber and carry around a cardboard box labeled "Interest Rates," and every few steps, I'll drop it. Get it? It's the Federal Reserve "Board"! Ha ha! I bet THAT will get a big reaction from the neighborhood kids!
That's the problem with kids today: They don't know what Halloween is all about. It has been commercialized to the point where our young people think it's just "fun and games." They know nothing about the somber origin of this holiday, which dates back to 1621, when the Pilgrims, having survived a difficult first winter in America, decided to express their thanks by dressing up in comical outfits with knickers and hats shaped like traffic cones and then went around playing pranks with what turned out--tragically--to be their last remaining roll of toilet paper, and thus as you can imagine their second winter was no picnic either. THAT is what Halloween is about, but try explaining it to these spoiled kids today, with their inexhaustible supplies of Charmin.
Oh, sure, we still teach our children some Halloween traditions. We teach them that this is a time when we buy pumpkins and carve faces into them. But we don't teach them the underlying spiritual reason WHY we do this, which is that each fall, the average American pumpkin farmer produces 17 trillion of these things, and if he doesn't get rid of them, they will rot, and everything the farmer owns, including his smaller children, will disappear under a gigantic cloud of flies. THAT is why we buy pumpkins and carve faces into them.
Maybe, this year, as a nation, we should try to get back to a more traditional kind of Halloween. For example, instead of letting our kids watch modern horror movies, with their "high-tech" special effects, we should rent some old traditional horror movies, such as the 1941 classic "The Wolf Man," starring Lon Chaney Jr. There is nothing at all special about the effects in this movie. When Lon turns into a wolf, you see Lon, then you see the moon, then you see Lon again, and . . . there's more hair on him! If you look closely, you can actually see the makeup person's hand darting out of the frame. This process continues until Lon has been transformed, chillingly, from an ordinary person into . . . a person with obviously fake hair pasted all over him! Oooooh! Then Lon runs around attacking people in a maniacal fury, caused by the fact that he is itching like CRAZY.
I watched that movie a lot, growing up, and it affected me deeply, especially when I reached junior high school and I was the last member of my peer group to develop bodily hair. I used to deliberately hang out under the moon, hoping for something to sprout.
Yes, that is the kind of movie we should show our children this year, perhaps at a neighborhood Halloween party, where we can also do traditional craft projects. Here's a fun one to try!
HALLOWEEN CRAFT PROJECT: Get 24 pieces of 8-1/2-by-11 construction paper, 12 black and 12 orange. Now cut each piece lengthwise into 68 identical strips 1/4 inch wide and 5-1/2 inches long. Form these into loops by fastening the ends with No. 3 staples. Now get a 7-by-11-inch baking pan and mix in the following: 7 ounces of distilled water, one ounce of balsamic vinegar, one teaspoon of clarified butter and 2.78 ounces of extruded bauxite, ground fine. Now put both hands on your behind and hop around the room shouting, "Boom shacka lacka lacka! Boom shacka lacka lacka!" Ha ha! Here in the newspaper industry, we LOVE giving you instructions for elaborate holiday craft projects that we would never dream of making ourselves. Our role model is Martha Stewart, who actually lives in a Motel 6 room furnished entirely with used KFC boxes.
After the crafts, how about telling the kids a traditional spooky ghost story? For added fun, have Dad secretly hide in the closet while Mom tells the story. When Mom gets to the climactic part where the ghost suddenly appears, imagine the squeals of delighted terror from the kids when . . . nothing happens! Because Dad has fallen asleep in there. He's tired. We're all tired. But we WILL go on with Halloween, darn it. That's the kind of nation we are.
Fitness Craze
Man...aside from eating, men, sleep, and cuddling, fitness has GOT to be on the top of your to-do list. I mean, who doesn't like being fit? You look strong, attractive, you lure the opposite sex, AND you get into nightclubs via "My biceps are bigger than yours."
When I was 10, the hottest pants were the ones that were TIGHT! Screw whatever rolls I had coming out from every angle, I was just happy I could fit into them. When I was 11, Rose and her kids moved in with her teen girls, which were apparently, pretty hott. Julie (Dawn) especially, caused me to want to workout until I couldn't feel my legs anymore, especially when I heard her comment "Oh my god, my butt looks so good in these pants!" I never really cared about what my butt looked like...I must have cursed myself for a good hour when I finally took up the courage to turn around in the mirror and examine my own - boy was I in for a shocker.
And you know, I was always told that love handles were a GOOD THING. My sister and other people I was around when I was younger used to tell me "Awwh, Teeny's got love handles! How cute!" and so I was like, "Heyyyy sweet!" so I would eat whatever I wanted and jumped up and down for joy when someone would remark on how big they were. Only now do I realise how silly I was to believe them. What a lie of Satan.
Also, one of the most depressing worries I had about myself when I was 12 was having people remark, "Damn, I'm up to a size 1 again! Gotta cut down on those carbs." Jeez. If I was a size 1, I'd probably be floating around the ceiling right now.
Or maybe it was those rail skinny girls who look at you nastily when you're walking around in just your socks, and get in and out of the house via the mail-slip. You ask them what's for dinner, and they reply blandly "I wouldn't know - I haven't eaten food in five years." Although, this just spurred me on to erratic eating habits. I must have been diagnosed with every single eating disorder there is out there, and have been pretty unhealthy at times.
In the long run though, all of that had motivated me to be a bit more healthy. I eat quite well now, I exercise a lot, AND I take time off. That's probably the most important thing.
And now, I have as many little quirks and worries that a girl could possibly have about her body - but it's okay, because it just means I'm being real.
But uh...remind me I have to get some boob implants. Like ASAP. Thanks, partner.
Be a nerd, and read these - they're pretty much the bomb:
The Ten Best Food For Abs
3 Fat Loss Steps
Foundational Fat Loss
Eat More to Lose Weight
xxx
A Random Thought
Life is way too short. People don't seem to realise it. In truth, most people laugh about the thought of death. It's funny, isn't it? Someone will try to cross the street, miss a car by inches, and then laugh when they think "Man, I could have gotten run over!" People don't think it'll ever happen to them. It CAN'T. There's no way...they haven't gotten their hair done yet! They can't die NOW! They still have to go home, give their husband a kiss, make dinner and read their children a bed-time story. I mean, death is stupid! Thinking of killing me off now...what ludacrous.
Reality check! The time won't wait for you. I don't know about you, but I'm not exactly in the mood for smiling right before I'm about to drown. I might be happy that someone saved me, but I'm most certainly not laughing about the idea of me dying. It's just silly.
All that to say, be careful. Life is too short for us to imagine that it'll go on forever.
These have been some pretty hard times, and I couldn't ever bear to lose you.
xxx
I'm Hungry
Guys...life is good. And Julie, I know you're out there somewhere reading this - I MISS YOU!! Crazy asian.
Aside from that, the parents are going to be gone for 10 days starting on Saturday! (BOMB!) I'll be sure to throw lots of parties and do lots of naughty things.
I love lamp.
xxx
Smile
I fixed my guitar - it sounds like Christmas morning.
I know I haven't posted a lot on here lately...actually barely...things have been pretty busy. You know, all the fornicating and stuff.
And I realised...I miss having more freetime. Siiigh.
But this really made me smile, and even though I don't have a lot of time, I'm posting it here so that you can watch it and smile too.
ASIANS ROCK.
Enough said. xxx
Here Lies...
A hero in my world, millions of other people all over this earth, and to the music industry.
Richard Wright, you were an AMAZING guy...like REALLY amazing. I was super looking forward to a reunion between you and the rest of Pink Floyd, but it'll never be the same without you there. Your music changed lives...at least you left knowing you had done that much.
Inspirational song writer, musician, and figure. We well miss you!! See you up at the "Big Gig in the Sky"!
A Beautiful Thing is Always Perfect
It's been forever since I felt so small... so forgotten...insecure...and yet so loved.
What's been happening? I have it, and then I lose it - I love it, and then I hate it. Make it stop.
Of all the things in life that I would never regret, it would be this. I could never regret the way we are, though we've lost both our minds. We must have, or you would be famous now, and I wouldn't still think of you.
Don't tell me it never lasts. It ALWAYS lasts. We just don't know it sometimes.
You've forgotten me, but that's in the past.
I don't want to leave this place.
I don't want to go home -
Please don't send me home...
Welcome Back, Cap'n.
Yes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY STUFF...YEAH MAN.
A special thanks to...
Kaneeza, Raza, Greg, Esther, Christina, Bobby, Kris, Evan, Milton, Matt, Camilo, Elsa, Jenna and Jeff. Those guys TOTALLY made my day today, and that sundae rocked as well.
And also my love goes out to all the others who remembered my birthday! I love you all so much, you guys are THE BEST.
Kisses and all that. xoxoxoxox
-Teeny
Camp Insights
As most of you have been informed, I just arrived back home from being at a camp which Dre helped to organize - they had to request permission for me, seeing as I'm oh-so-rebellious.
Hannah Banana and her sister Suzanna. Cuuute.
DRIPPING, OLI, DRIPPING! Teehee.
Leila is HOT...and Andre is just so handsome, the studd! I love you!
This is Samwell Tough Stuff right before he banged heads with Jesse and damaged himself. Poor love.
Tasha, Lainz, Stevie and Andre. (Andre's looking a wee bit excited there...SAVE IT FOR THE TENT, YE!!)
Anna! Isn't she the cutest?!?!
More pictures will come, as soon as people send them to me. I promise you that.
Do me a favor, and allow me to mount you.
